Mr Andrews received an email from his son Tobis’ school house master.
Dear Mr Andrews, Tobi has been placed on detention for arriving at his extra curriculum activities, 25mins late……..
When Tobi arrived from school, Mr Andrews told his son he was highly disappointed in him for getting a detention so early in the new school term; and why did it take you so long to get to your next class anyway?
I wasn’t released from my previous activity early enough, Tobi replied.
‘This isn’t fair dad’ I couldn’t leave without permission either.
Oh well, Mr A said, I’ll have to support the school as I don’t know the circumstances and facts of the events and I trust your teachers are in a better position to know the facts.
Tobi was distraught, he didn’t think serving a detention was fair. He didn’t think he should stay behind in school for something that wasn’t his fault; he needed to put his point across. As far as he was concerned, this was in-justice being served
Even though it appeared the child was right, his father still wanted him to understand that;
A: certain things happen in life that appear unfair, but your attitude towards those situations is what helps you rise above it. In other words, since Tobi’s dad had to rely on the events stated by this teachers and Tobi wasn’t denying the allegations, then he could not back his son up, he wanted him to adopt a positive attitude, accept the detention and it’ll be over.
B: Injustice occurs everywhere in the world today. He would probably come across it when he grows older. This could help him recognise, learn to overcome and move on from it quickly.
The child was rebellious; he was very opinionated against the advice his father gave him. ‘I don’t think I should give up until I plead my case’ the child stated. So his father said, why don’t you go to school and find a way to politely state your case and express how strongly you feel about this?
Two days after, Mr Andrews received an email from school…’ following an in-depth discussion with your son, it has been decided that the detention would be withdrawn’
Some parents have kids that appear strong headed, however, being strong headed could be a sign of `GRIT’ /PERSEVERANCE/ DETERMINATION/ and DILIGENCE.
This trait has to be carefully managed and channeled. Some kids are designed to go the whole mile if they feel they are being exploited or treated unfairly. They just won’t give up!
Once again, this trait doesn’t have to manifest negatively, and this is why parents and carers always have to be on hand to help kids manage their strong or weak characters.
If this opportunity is missed or not carefully addressed, it could be the beginning of a child doubting himself or a parent talking down on a character that could serve as the child’s greatest strength
Some parents have kids that appear strong willed, however, this trait could also be a sign of `GRIT’
Carefully manage and channel
Children are born with distinctive characters. These characters are biological. They are often traits they have inherited from their parents. However some traits are inborn because each person has a uniqueness about them that is designed to ensure their individuality. Whether a character is desirable or not, we have to ensure that we assist children manage and channel their character positively. Develop alternative ways to address certain situations that still give the child the satisfaction of being heard and valued.
A parent who understands emotions would realize that the display of certain characters is as a result of not being able to manage emotions. Parents have to be emotionally literate by teaching their kids how to recognize and name motions as this helps the child determine how they feel before reacting.
The power of conflict resolution:
Strong willed children always appear determined. They usually want things done their own way or no way at all. Always ask questions and allow them to explain the circumstances around events. Quiz them on the options they can come up with other than the option they have.
The earlier we teach children that there are various ways to reach a desirable or amicable result, the quicker they learn and are equipped to utilize this as a tool for their adult life.
Children develop patterns which can very quickly turn into habits. It can sometimes take a while to break them, especially if they are unhealthy patterns. As long as a parent understands this concept, it is easier to help a child channel, manage or break certain patterns. When parents become stressed, it becomes difficult to extend our parental expertise to a child.
Learn to focus under the circumstances